September 10, 2018

WARNING: Obvious satire.

Dance Dance Revolution is a series of arcade rhythm games developed by Konami before they forgot how to make video games. As the name implies, it is a game where you sort of dance but mostly move your feet around very quickly.

In its initial form, DDR wasn’t even intended to be a dancing game at all. Series director Based God Kojima was at first inspired by the impressive footwork he saw when his son had to pee. Kojimi then created an arrow-based game around the peeing con...

July 25, 2018

WARNING: Obvious satire.

Shao-lin’s Road (known in some territories as Wanpyou Clicker) is a 1985 arcade game developed by Based God Kojima and published by Konami. It is actually one of the earliest “beat-em-up” games, only it is much more repetitive than later examples and features more kicking than beating up. You play as a character named Jumpman and try to save your girlfriend Raochuu from men in purple and green pants.

Shao-lin’s Road was very innovative for being the first arcade game to fe...

January 8, 2018

WARNING: Obvious satire.

The Fast and the Furious: DRIFT is a 2007 arcade racing game developed by Raw Thrills as a sequel to 2004’s The Fast and the Furious. As the title implies, the main difference between DRIFT and its predecessor is the ability to do backflips.

At the time of its release, DRIFT was widely praised for not only being fun, but also for being extremely cost-effective for arcade operators. Raw Thrills stated in a December 2006 press release that their intention was to keep the pri...

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