The Wilcox Arcade TV Franchise Empire One-Year Anniversary Extravaganza (With a Title That is Much Too Long for its Own Good)

February 6, 2018

One thing I’ve noticed about a lot of Internet content creators is that a year feels like a very long time to them. For whatever reason, they all think one-year anniversaries should be celebrated. Back in my diddly gosh danged day, we only celebrated huge milestones, like ten- or twenty-year anniversaries. If you were really lucky, you MIGHT have gotten to celebrate your fifth year of existence. (And that’s a big maybe right there, let me tell ya.)

            But since it’s so hip and trendy to celebrate one year of existence on the Internet, I figure that I might as well celebrate my one-year anniversary, too. I do it begrudgingly, though. While you’re reading this article, just imagine me jabbing my fingers into the keys of my keyboard and gritting my teeth furiously. Because believe me—I am.

            Since there’s nothing super interesting about my website, I decided to write about a bunch of trivial nonsense. After all, I basically covered everything about year one of Wilcox Arcade in my 2017 Annuals, so…yeah. Let’s look at completely inconsequential garbage like the total word count in all of my articles. Oh, and how many times I’ve said “however,” because I say that word a lot. Let’s do it Q&A-style, even though no one likes me enough to ask me questions in the first place. I’m flattering myself here. Just…flattering.

            Also, if you were confused about why the title was so long, it was supposed to be a joke.

            I mean, not a very good joke, but still.

            I have no idea why people read the garbage I write.

How many posts have you published since February 6th, 2017?

I've published 47 articles in this year. It averages out to less than one article per week, but when you go through archives it's more like I spammed seven articles in one month and then published one article the next month. They're bad numbers, kids.

 

How many words have you typed in total since February 6th, 2017?

Upon doing the math like a gosh danged Atari Jaquar commercial, I found that I have typed a whopping 99,360 words for this blog since February 6th, 2017. It’s very depressing, actually. It does explain why I have no friends, though.

 

What is the average word-count of any given article on this site?

Probably some equally depressing number. I did the math, though. It’s approximately 2,114 words per article, not including this one. If that doesn’t make you hate life, I don’t know what will.

 

How many times have you said “however” since February 6th, 2017?

Considering how poor my diction is, it’s a real big number, yes. Though I won't bother to count it, it's a big number for sure. However, the number keeps growing as we speak.

 

How many images have you stolen from the Internet without crediting the owner under the guise of “fair use”?

Oh gosh, too many to count. It would actually be easier to count the number of original images I’ve created for this site. Of course, I can’t be bothered to actually count them, but you know what I mean.

 

How do you write a Wilcox Arcade article?

Oh yeah, that’s a good one right there. It’s actually quite simple, see. You’ve got a few options. You can A) review games that are too old to be relevant, rendering the article itself completely irrelevant; B) snatch the headlines from ArcadeHeroes.com and write “commentary” on them; or C) try to be funny and fail very miserably.

            It’s fun.

Welp, that it’s, kiddos. A year is a very short span of time, so there wasn’t very much for me to look back on fondly. Also, there’s just not very much to look back on fondly in general. My blog is awful. Like seriously…I’m a 16-year-old who literally writes thousands of words a week about arcade games. THOUSANDS.

            So anyway, I guess I suffer from crippling depression now. That’s a good thing, actually.

            Hey, wait just a minute! You what’s even more obnoxious than one-year anniversaries? Two-year anniversaries! I guess I’ve got something to look forward in February 2019.

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